First Ultrasound

Today was our first ultrasound. I've been so nervous and anxious, but everything looks great so far! There is one baby in there. We are just under 7 weeks and the heart rate is measuring 120 bpm (much better than the first round). Next scan will be at the end of next week. I almost wish they could be every day to calm my anxiety, but I'm trying really hard to just relax and enjoy the moment.

I think what has been making this so difficult to celebrate is that when we miscarried, there was no explanation. The heart rate was low, then gone. The extra testing revealed no abnormalities to explain the loss. Everything showed normal. I like science, but it has limitations. "It just happens sometimes" is not a very scientific answer. Like the women diagnosed with unexplained infertility. What an awful "answer" to have: something isn't right, but we don't know what or why. This happens a startling 20% of the time (resolve.org).

So today, while I try to enjoy this (baby) step closer to motherhood, I also think about those that aren't any closer to motherhood or to answers. I hope that they find the strength and courage to continue fighting. That they never stop hoping and dreaming. And that they get a chance for happy news, too.