Day 6

Today is day 6 of our 3rd cycle. If you're keeping score, that's 1 fresh, 1 frozen, and we're back to fresh. Our first fresh cycle (when I take meds to make my body produce several eggs and they retrieve them) produced 8 eggs, of which 5 fertilized and only 2 developed to the blastocyst stage which is how they are transferred (aka placed in my uterus). They were great quality, so we opted to transfer only 1 at a time. Hence, one fresh and one frozen cycle so far.

Using the first cycle as a guide, I should be about halfway through this one as the first cycle I was on meds for 12 days. This morning we are headed down into Maryland for monitoring. They'll do a blood test and am ultrasound to check my estradiol level to make sure it's increasing appropriately and use the ultrasound to inspect both of my ovaries to make sure follicles are forming in each (this is where the eggs are!). My last appt was 2 days ago, my estradiol level was even better than last cycle at this time, and while they were small, the follicles were growing.

I'm always apprehensive, maybe this is where we derail this time? But, really, there's no point in getting worked up yet. Just take the meds, go to the appointments, and follow the rules. No booze, no sushi, little to no caffeine...basically pretend you're pregnant. That's fine, I'm good at rules. It's the waiting that is tough. The waiting and the lack of control over the outcome. But this is the hand we've been dealt. Really hoping for a full house ;)

How do you feel?

I spend most of my day alone.  I travel a good bit for work, all by car, and I've always found driving to be where I do a lot of thinking.  And singing like I'm performing a concert, but during the workday, I can't afford to lose my voice.  This is good for problem solving, but not so much for problems that can't be solved.

Recently, I got a very nice email referring me to someone who had been through IVF cycles.  In case I wanted to reach out to someone, because the sender of the email knew that they couldn't relate.

I know there have been times that I've isolated myself lately.  I won't apologize for it because I think it's normal.  Some days are just easier than others.  Sometimes I'm just not in the mood to be around people.  Some days it's hard to keep on a happy face, and no one wants to be a downer.  This isn't how I've dealt with things before, but this is different.  I don't know whether it's me being older (not old), or if it's just the subject material. 

Today, I feel exhausted.  I've been having weird dreams lately, and trouble sleeping.  Maybe it's the new medication or just general stress.  I feel like I could sleep all day, if not for this pesky job 😉.  Just kidding, I also have a class presentation tonight for one of my MBA classes online.  I tend to fill my schedule, I've always done that.  My husband says he thinks I'm just not happy unless I'm completely what-the-hell-was-I-thinking busy.  He's right!  I was unhappy after college because I felt like I had nothing to do.  So I took cake decorating classes.  But anyway, I'm also hopeful. Last night we finally got to start the real meds.  12ish days to go...maybe depending on how it goes.  You really can only take it one day at a time, more than that is hard to handle..