What Infertility Did (is doing) to my Marriage

I started writing this post a few weeks ago after being part of an amazing wedding celebration for a very close friend.  At the wedding, I had a chance to catch up with some friends who I miss dearly, but had moved away after college while we stayed put.  Between the wedding and the catching up, I started to think a lot about my husband and where we were in our marriage.

Today is our wedding anniversary.  We have been married for 4 years.  One month from today is our dating anniversary: this year marks 12 years together.  I was 19 when we met.  Looking back, I was just a kid but I felt very much like an adult.  I always loved that we could go to the same place, say a party (What? In college?? Never ;) ), and not have to stay glued at the hip.  We still did things together, but we never lost our individuality.  Even today he has guy weekends, I have my girl time and this works so well for us.  He is my best friend, but you will always need your girlfriends.
**Note to all the girls who think they get along better with men (as I said many times as a younger woman): YOU WILL ALWAYS NEED GOOD GIRLFRIENDS.  This only gets truer with age.**

Now after almost 12 years, we find ourselves in this nightmare.  I believe that there are major life events that test your strength as a couple.  Events that will make or break you.  Losing a job, losing a loved one, a big move, infertility, losing a child....the list goes on and on.  Over 12 years, we have buried 2 grandparents, one parent, had a few surgeries, infertility issues, and now we are experiencing our first (and hopefully last) miscarriage.

When we started getting our results back from all of the testing and discovered the problem, I thought he should leave.  I didn't think that it was fair to him to possibly not have a family because of me.  He had the perfect out.  He wouldn't go.  Instead, he has gone with me to every appointment (well, except for some of the monitoring...nothing happened at those appointments except for me getting stuck with a needle and an ultrasound wand), helped give me the shots at the right times, and made sure I had what I needed both physically and emotionally.  He lifted things when I couldn't, changed the cat litter when I wasn't supposed to touch it, and let me cry when I needed to be sad.  All without complaint.  Now, we move forward.  Though I am still struggling with my emotions over this miscarriage, he has moved to the acceptance phase and is ready for round 2.  He understands where I am and is offering me incredible support.  He gets that we are different, that we feel differently, and he is giving me what I need to get through.  All of this at the expense of his needs sometimes.  Ok, pretty frequently right now, if we're being honest.

When we got married, I didn't think anything would change.  By then, we had already spent 8 years together, bought a house and filled it with fur-babies, so what difference would a marriage license make?  The truth is, getting married really made us a team.  We were a little nicer to each other, too...so we did actually enjoy a 'honeymoon' period!  Don't get me wrong, we argue sometimes.  Mostly about little, stupid things.  We still make bad decisions sometimes and we trudge through the consequences together.  We still get mad, but we get over it.

Life isn't perfect.  It's filled with curveballs and general suck-titude sometimes.  But it's also beautiful and so much better when you have someone who will share in your victories and defeats.  Never in a million years when we were making out in a fraternity basement could I possibly have imagined what we would have, or what we would build, together.  He is my other half, my soulmate, my partner, and my best friend.  Infertility has strengthened my marriage.  It has solidified our bond and really given us a chance to show the world what we can do together.  It has given us perspective, and made the little, stupid things we used to argue about so insignificant.  It has pushed us closer together, not further apart.  If there is a silver lining to this storm cloud, that is certainly it.  Happy Anniversary to the love of my life <3