Back to the drawing board...

Today, there was no heartbeat.  So, that's it.  Round 1 done.  We have one more embryo in the deep freeze, so in a few weeks, we can start over.  Well, not exactly start over, but get ready to transfer the last embryo.  We have to decide whether we want to proceed with a D&C to officially remove the tissue or give it a few days to see whether it 'resolves itself'.  I want to proceed with a D&C.  I feel like I've already waited long enough for an answer I knew was coming.  I've been grieving for about a week and a half, I don't think I can wait for this to happen on its own, and start grieving all over again when it does.

I am sad.  I knew that this was probably coming, but I can't stop being sad that it happened.  I thought that the last week and a half of knowing this was coming was adequate to prepare, but I'm not so sure you can prepare for this.  I did the research.  I knew the odds.  But this is not a time for logic or reasoning.  It's emotional and raw and it hurts.  Apparently, at this stage it's almost certainly chromosomal.  This means that there's nothing we could have done to prevent this from happening.  Not that this is really helpful information, but at least there's that.