Why I don't have a fun IVF photo with all the needles from the shots...

I see these a lot and I often think that I wish I had one. It's such a clever way to show all the love, pain, and especially perseverance that goes into the IVF process.  But I will never have one.  I didn't save these things.  We received our prescriptions in the mail.  A huge, crazy expensive box of medications and syringes.  In that box came a red, plastic sharps bin for the used needles.   Every night, at 7pm, I would go upstairs, measure the injections and stab my belly.  A few days there were mornings, too.  And a few were the "butt" shots that hubster did (intramuscular rather than subcutaneous - so muscle not fat - and they were bigger).  I truly hope I never forget these things because all of these memories, the ups and the downs, are important to our adventure and brought our little girl into the world.  But I will not be able to commemorate it.  Because each time the medication cycle was over, I took my little red, plastic sharps bin to our next step.  My little way of symbolizing the end of the round.  When the rounds failed, I packed away everything else and got ready to start fresh.  While I still carried the grief as it compounded, I chose not to carry any tangible evidence of it.  So when my new box came, I'd set up my station again, a new start, until I was able to turn in the last sharps bin.  Someday, I may get another red, plastic bin and I'm sure I'll turn that one in when it's done, too.  But the count?  It's 166.  All the injections, the blood work...166 needles to equal one perfect little girl.  And I would have taken a thousand more.