I tend to take on more than I can handle. I mean, I handle it, but not without consequence. I end up constantly prioritizing, which means writing is way after school and work and dishes and laundry and the hubbs and the list goes on and on. I stopped piano lessons because with classes starting back up, I knew I had to make a choice. I still sit at the piano now and then to play a song so I don't forget, but I didn't have the time to commit to it. Quitting school is out of the question. First, I'm halfway through the MBA program and second, my daughter is going to learn things from me, like following through, so I have to be that example for her.
My classes are done (an A- and an A, thank-you-very-much), I have a week off of work with the hubbs, and baby will be here so soon I can't believe it. At 37 weeks I actually don't look that big (I have wide hips, I'm carrying wide apparently) but I feel all of those 37 weeks everywhere. My joints hurt, my fingers occasionally tingle (oh hey carpal tunnel), my back hurts, I get heartburn and/or nausea every time I eat, I can't bend without feeling like I'm going to vomit, and I get beat up pretty good on the inside. Mostly my bladder and this one nerve that sends a shooting pain down to my, um, lady parts. She's a pretty good shot there. She has also gotten pretty comfy right around my most recent scar from having my gall bladder out, and it doesn't seem to be stretching as well as the rest of me because man, does that ever hurt when she kicks there. I've had a dream pregnancy so far, and truly this part is no exception. I know others have it an awful lot worse, and honestly I'm still grateful just to be able to hurt like this. It would be nice to sleep a little though. Just a bit.
I got to meet the lactation consultant and tour the hospital. And I subsequently burst into tears there. I just couldn't help but think about where I was this time last year, when I wasn't completely sold that I was going to be touring the maternity ward. Also, hormones. But it was great, the staff seems wonderful and the rooms aren't too shabby. I had what is most probably my last day on the road until I come back to work, for which I'm so relieved since being out on your own is a bit nerve wracking so close to due date (for me and my boss! Haha). And the baby's room is pretty well done. We refinished a dresser and of course the drawer pulls we chose are currently out of stock, but it's functional and she won't know they aren't there so we're going to stick it out until they come in. This week, I'll be doing all the things that keep running through my head: packing for the hospital, loading up the car seat, meeting a potential day care provider, figuring out pediatrician, pre-registering at the hospital, and the 15 million other things I'll only remember as I'm knee deep in another project. I'm looking forward to having this time to "nest".
Unfortunately between the excitement, anxiety, and the horomones, I'm just not feeling very holly jolly this year. We got a tree up, actually 2 of them, the wreath is on the door, and the stockings were hung with care and all that. Maybe it's another year of unusually warm temperatures (it's 1230am and it's 43 degrees...Heatmiser, take your nonsense elsewhere), or not really having the funds to go all out on gift giving, but this last Christmas with no kids is kind of a bummer. Of course, that could very well be the exact issue. Children bring magic to Christmas. Yes, it's a lot more work. I mean, we're really just phoning it in here this year, going through the motions. The stockings are empty and there is nothing under the tree (we decided no gifts for us this year with baby coming so soon). We're enjoying the lights of course, but there's something missing. She's on her way, but I honestly thought we'd enjoy the last Christmas before her a little more. The reality is that without the magic and wonder, it just feels like work. I know being a parent at Christmas is no small task either, but getting to see the joy in their little faces must make it all worthwhile. This year, I'll keep trying to find my spirit, but look out next year. Next year, Santa is DEFINITELY coming to town 🎄
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