25 weeks

We're having a diva.

We've had 2 ultrasounds in the last 6ish weeks.  She refuses to debut her beautiful face!  For our 20 week anatomy scan, they were able to confirm that all the parts are there.  They missed out on the face and good scans of the heart, so we went back at 24 weeks.  And again, if her face is coming near the 'camera', she covers it with her arms.  At our 20 week scan, the best photos they could get were of her arms blocking her face and her foot.  At 24, they sent us home with a screen shot of her heart rate.  The ultrasound tech tried for 30 solid minutes before finally saying, "Ok, kid...you win" and throwing in the towel.  But, at least we were able to see her heart better and know that everything seems to be going well.

I met with one of the midwives after the scan.  We had a great chat about being nervous about every little thing, and the why.  For me, it's the fact that we lost our first with no explanation.  We had some extra testing done on the tissue, assuming that we would find a chromosomal defect that would explain the loss and provide closure.  Instead, all of the tests came back normal.  I feel like I never had any real closure.  "It just happens sometimes" and "someone has a plan" aren't justifications that satisfy me.  So I'm left to wonder what I may have done wrong, and I'm afraid that feeling will never go away.  Worrying is truly a mom thing.  I don't know that I'll ever worry quite so much as I am just carrying "Rainbow Baby," but I'm sure she'll give it her best shot to make sure that I do.

Last time, I talked about milestones.  Interestingly enough, almost like she read it (which she definitely did not), the midwife brought up milestones after the 24 week scan.  At 24 weeks, she tells me, the pregnancy is viable.  From here, every day closer to the due date marks a better chance of survival outside the womb.  This was a small relief, as is every milestone, since anything can happen.  There's no question that my body was made to do this.  I have wide hips, those are there for one reason!  So far, the pregnancy has been a dream.  Not only was I built for this, but my body seems to know exactly what to do (even though I most certainly do not!).  I haven't been sick, or had any wacky food issues (aversions or cravings).  Mostly just tired and forgetful.  Only now am I starting to get a bit uncomfortable, although I suspect that is because my "bump" seems to be growing at a much quicker pace.  I'm loving and appreciating every second of it because it was a hard road to get here.

Exactly 3 years ago, the hubbs and I were in Ireland.  This was the end of our baby bucket list.  We had hoped to just get knocked up on the trip, but of course it was not that simple.  Being married isn't easy, if it was people wouldn't separate.  I believe your marriage is what you make it.  In the last 3 years, we have had a lot of moments that make or break a relationship.  Lucky for us, it has made ours.  I don't think there's a secret to it, or any magic.  I think for us, we're just two people that genuinely care about each other and will do whatever is necessary to make it out the other side.  For him, that's meant a lot of comforting, support, and I'm sure a little frustration.  For me, it's meant a lot of self-assessment - to make sure I'm giving him what he needs even when I am not my best.  Best of all, this means we're setting up for a wonderful life with her.