10 weeks

Today was our first ultrasound at the OB. Now we get to be regular parents-to-be without the extra appointments and tests.  Now we're just a normal pregnant couple.

We're having a baby.

I still am kind of pinching myself. The midwife we saw today described it perfectly: as an infertility patient, you are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. A glimmer of hope so often comes with a crushing defeat that you begin to expect it. You begin to guard your heart against the pain. You are scared to get excited. However, not getting excited doesn't mean you're not getting hurt. It means you're missing out on the happy bits altogether.

I've really been working on that this round.  Knowing that I can't control the outcome (comforting, I know), but I can control my attitude. Well, sometimes hah! I've been focusing on enjoying the moment. Let me tell you about the moment I enjoyed today.

The ultrasound was a bit different. They started with an external exam because the baby is getting bigger. And it finally looks like a baby. There's a head. There are limbs. Then we get the internal exam. For the first time, we not only see the heartbeat, we get to hear it too. 178 bpm stong and healthy and perfect. The baby is moving around. Just a few little wiggles, and my heart is melting. Arms moving around, as if waving to us - mom and dad. And silent tears stream down my cheeks as I wait for it, but the shoe? Does. Not. Drop. She switches to 3D and says the little one is not sitting in a very good position for 3D but she will try. And then on the screen, there is a perfect little ear that will no doubt be ignoring my instructions in 3 or so years. The seer little arms that will bear hug Duke (and he will LOVE it) and the legs that will run around the yard with Duchess. To me, this is the best day ever.

I also got the big girl speech. You know, the dreaded BMI conversation. Yes, I know where it is. I'm a little fat, but I'm not stupid. No dieting, but eat well and light exercise. I'll admit, I've been so worried to overdo physical activity that I'm certain I've way underdone it. And I have a habit of eating my feelings. Of which there have been many!

They found a subchorionic hemorrhage (some blood between the uterus and the placenta), which apparently happens and probably won't be a big deal, but I got my special instructions and get another ultrasound in 4 weeks. So, silver lining, it gets us another look at baby ❤ (how do they expect people to wait SO long?!). Of course, I'll be Googling this until my hands cramp and have a whole new set of 'what ifs' to fear, but I'm going to let that be tomorrow's problem. Today, I have a baby growing with a heart beating and little arms waving hello. And we are so in love!